Sometimes I wonder if God hears my prayers.  I pray for my family and friends every night.  I pray they have good health, joy, and love in their lives.  I pray for guidance, protection, and the ability to see our paths that God has laid out.  I also pray that God gives me patience, compassion, and helps me to be a good person.

We decided to pick up breakfast and drive around our small town.  We do this often for a couple of reasons.  Yes, we are nosey.  We like to check on the progress of construction projects in town or search out landscaping inspiration for our own home.  We also like to see what homes are for sale, because I have my eye on a couple of them.  Yes, I know I have a problem.  There is also nothing to do in town on Sunday.  Most businesses are closed, which is one of the reasons I love living here.  It’s almost like a ghost town. 

We heard there were sunflowers blooming a town over, so we headed on down the road with our bellies full and our hearts open.  I don’t remember seeing sunflowers in the neighborhoods I grew up in.  There were endless amounts of broken glass, trash, and winos that I saw from the city bus windows.   So, I was amazed the first time I saw fields of sunflowers on the outskirts of the small town I would soon call home.  Like most, I fell in love with the symbolism of the sunflower.  Their bright yellow petals representing happiness and their sturdy stalks that grow in the most adverse conditions bring resilience to mind.  But what I love the most about them is that their buds face the sun and follow the light throughout the day.  I feel like I’m always searching for the light.  It is a reminder to choose good in the darkest of times, and it is my confirmation that God is with me. 

We spotted the golden fields a mile away and pulled over to the side of the deserted road to take a few pictures.  I grin from ear to ear admiring the beauty that I get to witness.  My husband waits patiently while I get my fill of happiness from the view.  We pulled back on to the road and I instantly heard a whoosh from the back of the car.  We have a flat tire.

I have never changed a tire in my life.  It’s unbelievable with all the junk cars I grew up driving, but it’s true.  I know the process, but I’ve never had to put my knowledge to the test.  My husband has changed plenty of tires in his lifetime, but this is not the old sturdy piece of machinery that he is used to.  This is a newer car with tools packed away so compact and efficient that we had to pull out the driver’s manual to learn how to disassemble the pieces needed to fix the flat.

A car spotted us and pulled over to lend a hand.  It was a man, and his daughter dressed up on their way to church.  He offered many times to help us.  We kindly thanked him but assured him we were fine and could get it worked out.  He offered to lend us a jack that he had in his garage a mile down the road.  “The door is unlocked, and the dog will bark, but she is friendly.  Just help yourself to what you need”.  Never in my life have I had a stranger display so much trust.  We thanked him and I said, “God Bless You” as they drove away. 

We carefully read the instructions and found the location on the car to place the jack.  All the while, flies were biting me, and my husband was laying on the ground in a patch of goat head weeds.  The sun was shining so bright that beads of sweat were running down my face.  My husband explained each step and let me help so that I could get hands on experience in case I needed to do this someday on my own. 

This situation could have turned bad real fast.  We could have yelled and cussed at each other in frustration ruining the beautiful experience we had minutes before.  But in that moment, without even thinking about it, I was calm.  I didn’t have to remind myself to breathe or chill out.  My husband didn’t get snappy or raise his voice because of the situation.  I looked over at him at one point and said, “Teamwork makes the dream work”.  And that is what we are.  We are a team with the same goal, living our best lives and making all our dreams come true. 

I am blessed to have had a life lesson in such a beautiful place, with caring people around me, and I am grateful that God hears my prayers and is always by my side.

We just had a snowstorm last week, and there is talk about another storm moving through soon, but today, Spring is here!  I’m still trying to settle in on a retirement routine.  Some days are demo days where I’m preparing to do home renovations.  Some days are admin days, where I handle business electronically.  And some days are PTO days where I get sucked into the TikTok bubble and lose valuable hours of my life but learn how to talk trash in sign language.

 Today is a mix of all three.  I feel motivated and determined to get stuff done today.  I can now start to do outdoor chores since the weather is warm.  My grass stalks are in desperate need to be cut down.  I’m also getting ready to tear down walls to expand our basement bathroom.  This is a new chore for me, so I’m excited to get to it.  But first, I need to clean out the closet that is going to become part of the new bathroom.  It seems like a lot, but I try to take baby steps, so it doesn’t become too overwhelming.  I’m currently on the phone (on hold) with the hospital in town, trying to sort out a medical bill.  And at some point, I’m going to get a yoga session today. 

I still have days where my mind seems to be going in a million different directions like it did when I was scheduling.  This time I’m not looking at maps and bouncing back and forth between websites and checking on capacity volumes.  But the energy is there, so I take advantage of it when I can.  I do have to remind myself to take breaks and breathe.  As I’m writing this, I’m not sure if this is a response to the change in weather, old habits from a different life, or a chemical imbalance.  Regardless of the source, it is manageable, and I am aware of it and knowing is half the battle.

Today I’m chalking it up to the change of weather and the brisk morning walk we took this morning.  We stopped taking our morning walks due to frigid temperatures and snow, but we are back at it.  It reminds me of the old “water cooler” talk that I miss out on since I’m retired now.  We talk about weather, tv shows, and current events.  Sometimes those current events don’t extend outside of our small town and that’s ok.  This is why I decided to cut down those grass stalks today.  The folks down the way cut their stalks, so I know it’s time. 

We see a lot of critters on our walks in the form of cats, dogs, and birds, but today a possum crossed our path.  I have never seen one in the wild before.  It was smaller than I expected, and I loved its little waddle.  I was told it was a marsupial, “the American Kangaroo” if you will.  It warms my heart that this is my life.  It is simple, beautiful, and organized with little surprises around every corner. 

We have a new crop of cabbage patch kids growing in the Chaos and Roadies world!  I’m so excited for all the brand-new parents and the parents adding multiples to their clan.  I am a big believer in giving a pregnant woman whatever she wants.  Dad’s if she is craving pumpkin pie in the middle of summer, get a recipe and bake it for her.  Co-workers if she want’s Chipotle chips, Chick-fil-A nuggets and an Arby’s Jamocha shake, make it happen captain.  It’s hard work growing a human. 

It’s been 26 years since I had my baby.  So much has changed as far as what pregnant women can or can’t do or shouldn’t eat.  Don’t surround yourself with harsh chemicals.  How was I supposed to nest without Pine Sol?  I also permed my hair while pregnant.  I did ask the doctor prior to getting it done if it would harm my baby, and I was just advised that the curl may not hold, but that it was fine as long as I was in a well ventilated area.  I’m so happy that I was so clueless back in the day. I ate whatever I wanted.  Now, I probably shouldn’t have eaten as much as I did, but I didn’t cut anything out of my diet.  Pizza and DQ Pecan Cluster Blizzards – yes please!  Now to be fair, my palate was pretty basic at the time and I don’t eat seafood, so I didn’t have to worry about mercury poisoning.  But I ate peanut butter, cheese and eggs during my pregnancy. 

I have a theory that what women eat when pregnant transfers to the baby.  Now, this is only my opinion because of what happened with me and my baby, so let me know if you experienced the same thing.  I craved lemons when I was pregnant.  In fact, that’s how I knew I was pregnant.  I remember having this incredible urge to eat a lemon.  My cousin used to eat lemons all the time, I mean I liked them, but it wasn’t my thing.  I had a sweet tooth.  Cakes, ice cream, candy, you name it.  One day I thought, “Man, a lemon sounds good right now”.  I kept thinking about how juicy it would be and my mouth started to water.  I couldn’t fight the urge, so I cut a lemon in half and grabbed some salt and took a huge bite peel and all.  My roommate walked by and gave me this weird look.  I offered her a bite and she said “Girl, it’s eight in the morning”.   I took a pregnancy test that day.  I was eating two lemons a day.   I eventually cut back after the doctor said it may ruin the enamel on my teeth.  So, when my baby was about a year old.  I gave him a lemon slice, to watch him make a funny face.  The boy just ate it like an orange.  No puckered face, no watery eyes, nothing.  It had to be the lemons I ate. 

There are so many old wives’ tales out there and I guess that could be one of them.  I did have heart burn throughout the pregnancy which means the baby will have a lot of hair, and he did.  If you carry high it means a girl and if you carry low it means a boy.  I just remember being big, so I couldn’t tell.  I also heard something to the effect of being angry at someone or not liking them while pregnant would cause your baby to act just like them when they got older.  What are some of the old wives’ tales you have heard or experienced?

We’ve been on a roller coaster ride the last couple of years. Instead of putting it all out there at once, I’m going to split the details up over a few posts.

My dedication to my family was really tested during this time. I was laid off from a company that allowed me to live my best life. I had competent, caring co-workers that provided excellent work coverage so that vacation time was truly an escape from the rat race. There was nothing to “catch up” on when returning from a weekend trip to Vegas. Which, we did a lot back then. We had created a work family that respected each other and truly cared for one another. I was all set to retire from this company in ten years. A larger company came along and bought my little piece of paradise taking away my security blanket. And my work family was shattered. Some retired, some stayed to the very end, and I like most, moved on rather quickly. We don’t talk much anymore, but I know we all still want the very best for each other.

I was able to land a work from home job with another company in the same industry. I felt like God was telling me this was the path to take. It was challenging right from the beginning, which had me questioning my decision and my faith. Why would God put me in a place that caused me so much stress and unhappiness? I didn’t want to fail and I really felt God put me there for a reason, so I toughened up and created a routine that reduced my anxiety.

I enjoyed working from home. I became very low maintenance barely wearing makeup or washing my hair. Leggings and t-shirts became my new work attire. I was struggling to leave the house most days. The demanding deadlines of my job made it difficult, but where was I going to go? There was no commute, I had access to a full kitchen so there was no need to go to lunch. Paul would often come home from work asking if I left the house that day. I literally would not leave the house for days. I was becoming a hermit. I needed to come up with a new routine to get human interaction, then COVID hit.

Life became unbearable for some but, I loved it. There was no pressure to change my routine, because now I couldn’t go anywhere. And, I was not alone, my best friend (Paul) was with me 24/7. COVID made us stronger as a couple. We cooked, played cards, and binge watched tv. I was in a good place. I started thinking, maybe this is why God set me on this path.

Work became more demanding. Along with the multiple daily deadlines, I was working every other weekend. I was part of a small group, so when someone wanted time off, it meant you were either overwhelmed with the extra workload, or you were stressing about everything you would have to do when you went back to work. My nerves were shot, but I was managing. Or at least I thought I was. There was a huge winter storm that rolled through in 2021. I worked twelve hour days for a week. Paul had to take care of me. He would just pop into my office throughout the day with food and to make sure I was okay. I was so thankful he was there. Although this storm was devastating for many companies, some companies received financial windfalls. There were talks of huge bonuses for employees at my job. Is this why I was on this path?

It was a crazy time, and I was trying to figure out my new normal. During this time, Paul and Jacob got sick. Not with COVID, but with two completely different illnesses. I’ll go into details about those later, but juggling work and family was not working for me. And unfortunately at times I put my family on the back burner. That was not ok. I was not ok. How could I do this to them. I was always there for them, but I wasn’t present. As strong as I think that I am, I wasn’t strong enough to do both. I had to let something go, so I retired last year.

That was never the plan. Paul was supposed to retire first. Looking back, I was hanging on by a thread emotionally and something needed to change. But what was I going to do without a job? Who was I going to become? I did receive a great bonus from my company which made it easier to let go and jump into the unknown, but it wasn’t retirement money. Paul and I talked about this and we both decided this could work. And our plan was if either one of us wasn’t working, the other would manage the household.

I had to deprogram myself for the first few months after retiring. I was so used to watching the clock every minute of the day. I was in a constant state of panic and rushed around doing simple tasks. I had limited times throughout the day to complete errands or chores while I was working and that carried over for a while. I would zip around in the grocery store irritated with everyone. Seriously, why are they so slow. I finally had to put myself in check. I was putting laundry away one day, and was just so grumpy and anxious, cursing under my breath because Paul’s socks were inside out. A voice inside my head said, “Girl, chill out what else do you have to do today.” And just like that a light bulb went on. That was my job for the whole day. Not a task that needed to be done in between deadlines. I’ve had to remind myself to relax multiple times since then, but this is a job that I am happy to have. I am a chef, laundress, personal shopper and at times a Bossy Builder. I’ve questioned my life choices a few times as I’m shoveling snow, but I’d rather be out in the storm clearing paths for my family then working twelve hour days building walls that shut them out.

Jacob’s health issues got a lot worse after I retired. We had to go to hospitals or out of town at the drop of a hat and I was able to do that easily without a job. I didn’t have to check with someone to make sure it was ok. There was no guilt for leaving a co-worker in a bind. I was able to focus on him and what he needed. He is doing awesome now and I am grateful that God answers prayers. I don’t know where my path is going to end up, but I think I’m headed in the right direction.

I think it’s been about three years since I’ve updated our blog. Not that we have a ton of followers, maybe just one. Hey Becky!! Life got extremely complicated. I don’t even know where to begin, so maybe I won’t even start. The point is, we are here, we are happy, and we are healthy. God is good and has a plan. I’m not sure what that is, but I guess it’s not my place to question it, I just need to have faith. So cheers to new adventures!